Jordan always did things a little differently. His life was extravagantly beautiful because he did the small and simple things in extravagance. Always honest, humble, and kind. Never drawing any attention to himself, but silently serving, giving, loving others. He taught me so much about true love. Simplicity is beauty in its most extravagant form. So many times I dream of one more second to smell him, hear him, see him, squeeze his hand or touch his face.
Now it is March and we are quickly approaching the one year mark of the day that would forever become one of the most horrifying days of my life. Watching the body I once called my own slip into eternity and out of my hands was disturbing. Death is disturbing. We weren’t made for this. But life here away from the One who created us is more disturbing. The moment Jordan left earth absolutely terrified me- but also allured me. In that single moment, I felt the closest I have ever felt to heaven but at the same time as far away from heaven than I had ever imagined.
I knew my groom was experiencing the glorious all-encompassing love that we had only tasted together here on earth. He finally was surrounded by it! We lived and breathed for our Jesus and now Jordan was finally with Him- but I’m still here.
The kingdom is filled with so many paradoxes, so we’ve heard before. To give away all is to receive everything. The highest honor is to serve the lowest. The poor are rich. The last will be first. The Most High King is here- riding on the back of a donkey.
I am daily astounded at the gentle comfort of a sovereign God. The same God who called Jordan home is the same gentle voice that wakes me every morning to tell me He sees me, He loves me, and He breaks with me.
The griever’s secret is simple and the sweet. What is the most precious gift you can give a grieving person? Grieve with them. Sit and hurt with them. Cry with them, laugh with them, be frustrated with them- just grieve with them. My Sweet Comforter takes this a step further- He bears my pain deeply, but it is more His than my own. He’s the ultimate griever of my broken heart. His grief is deeper than I am capable of feeling because the emotions I feel were created by Him in the first place. How much more deeply does He feel my pain? He loves me more than I love myself- He loves Jordan more than we all loved Him. Yet He places a new song in my heart every morning, and gives me the grace to walk through another day.
I imagine if God were to take me to His kitchen and open His cabinets, there wouldn’t be stacks of cups or saucers on the shelves. I envision His kitchen cabinets filled with countless stacks of glass jars. Each jar is filled with every single tear drop ever shed by His Beloved. As He rummages through the jars to find mine, it’s easy to see He’s deeply attached to each jar and its contents. He would take out my jar, (more like jars, I’m sure) hold it close to His chest and say, “I was this close. Every time a tear dropped from your cheek- I was right here.”
The Collector of Tears is near. He rides a donkey, and He dines with prostitutes. He sees you wherever you are.
He is with you today, and He will wipe your tears.
(Psalms 56:8; Revelation 21:4)