When Faith Seems To Fail

Since March, I’ve been asked many times if faith seems like a failure to me. I totally get this question. Jordan and I knew we were to believe for his complete healing here on earth. There wasn’t a time when Jordan complained or doubted his healing. He used what was left of his voice to praise and declare the faithful works of the Lord during some of his final days here on earth. I knew Jordan was going to be healed… we all did. Instead, he experienced unimaginable pain and died at 23 years of age- and I got a front row seat to watch his suffering.

So what am I supposed to do now that God didn’t do what I begged Him to do?

I’ve realized that faith is more than I’ve given it credit. It is a deep well from which we must draw deeper in order to quench our thirst. When faith doesn’t satisfy our answer, we must go deeper in our faith to receive peace and wholeness.

I still believe in miracles, I still believe in healing. But for me to drop my beliefs because God didn’t do what I wanted Him to do would be cheating myself from the sweet richness of understanding that I will never understand the great depths of God. He is wild. He cannot be tamed. This wildness of God created galaxies we’ve yet to explore, breathed into dust and made man. If He did everything I wanted Him to do, then I could tame Him. And for some reason, there’s great peace in knowing that I could never put God in a cage. It’s this same cage I tried to put Him in when I didn’t think I would marry the man of my dreams because I didn’t think someone like Jordan could exist.

Faith is not a band-aid. It’s a way of living. Faith is standing alone at the end of the day with your husband’s wedding ring in your hand. It’s wretched and deep, it requires more from us than we are comfortable. The more we explore its uncharted terrains, the more we realize what we were created for. Admittedly so, I am glad He’s destroyed all the cages I’ve attempted to put Him in. If I could tame God, I would be heartbroken.

So now here I stand, ready to believe again. If I had to re-walk this journey, I would choose to walk it in bold faith again and again, because this journey exposed me to the most tender love of a faithful Father. He showed me He is wild and boundless, but stooped to my side to hold my hand through the hardest nights. I have seen the gentleness of God that has left me in complete awe. And through this faith journey, He gave me a rare and precious love- He gave me the gift of Jordan.

Faith has never failed me.

Beauty and strength. Fearless and gentle.

Beauty and strength. Fearless and gentle.

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21 comments

  1. monicaorzechowski · October 6, 2014

    Love you Cady. This encourages me on my own faith journey. Thank you for being you. Thank you for sharing. I hope you are overwhelmingly encouraged by the fact that God is using YOU to encourage thousands. Love and miss you sweet friend. ♡

  2. salciccioli · October 7, 2014

    Reblogged this on Dianna Salciccioli and commented:
    Raw and so honest..

  3. Debbie · October 7, 2014

    Hi Cady
    Thank you for that. I can identify so much with you. You have put into beautiful words exactly what the Lord has taught me in my darkest hours. My son aged 23 suffered testicular cancer for 3 years and then died in April this year. I too had front row seats with my husband as we watched him suffer and then breathe his last. I followed your blog for a while after I saw your mom in law on TBN back in June. I too believed without a shadow of doubt that Jesus would show up in our sons hospital room. I believe He did. He came and carried him home. Our boy so desperately wanted to live and know healing. Now they are experiencing what we can only begin to imagine awaits those who trust and put their faith in the Lord. I like to think Jordan and my son have met and shared their experiences and journey with cancer. It can never be a mistake to trust God Cady. Life is but a vapor and before we know it we will all be together again and it will have been worth it all. Even as a mother who quite literally went to the ends of the earth to find healing for my son, I can now truly comprehend that scripture that says’ Oh death where is thou sting’. God has given me a deep peace and quietness and assurance in my heart. Healing for my heart has come in the most unexpected ways. Yes, we cannot box God in. There is such a thing as divine healing and although my faith took a knock at the time, I have experienced incredible grace in the midst of this storm. My faith is stronger than ever. How strange is that! Thank you again. You are an inspiration. I’d love to meet you some day. God bless.

  4. J.w. Jay Van Hooser · October 7, 2014

    “Without faith it is impossible to please God”. He is surely pleased to live as one within you. What a lesson you just taught all of we believers in Jesus. Oh what a God we serve. Thank you for sharing your journey of faith. Thank You Heavenly Father for all future blessings for Cady. Praise Your Name!

  5. emily t. · October 8, 2014

    Thank you.. This is amazing.. Thank you, thank you.. So beautiful and inspiring…

  6. sundy · October 8, 2014

    Beautiful. Hand crafted, full of love.

  7. francinia13 · October 8, 2014

    Reblogged this on Fix-it With Fran and commented:
    “Faith is not a band-aid. It’s a way of LIVING.”

    Powerful blog post. #NecessaryRepost

  8. Olly Zimina · October 9, 2014

    Hi Cady. Your story is such an inspiration of a true love of Christ. It’s one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever read in my life. Thank you for everything. I pray that Jesus continues encouraging, comforting and building you up on your incredible journey. May His love rest upon you always. You are truly incredible woman!!!

  9. Shona Vd Merwe · October 10, 2014

    Cady, your words, your walk & your faith inspire me to pursue more of Him. Thank you!

  10. Peter Macander · October 10, 2014

    God always works ALL things to good for those who love Him. It does not always work out to our immediate wishes and wants or on our timetable. Sometimes we must pass through suffering and doubt first, but He always brings good out of every hardship for us. Remember, the Heavenly Father did not “let the cup pass” from His only begotten beloved Divine Son, though He had prayed, but permitted Him to suffer, be crucified and die for us, because of the eventual greater good that would come of it for us in the Resurrection. If He could offer up His own beloved Son to be sacrificed for our sins, that we not be lost, how much He must love us. Those with the gift of faith who love God and trust in His mercy and love know, that the story of their lives ultimately has a happier outcome than they can ever imagine.

  11. chelsea47 · October 14, 2014

    Reblogged this on I'm trading my sorrows… and commented:
    Amen. What a wisdom and revelation from God. 🙂

  12. Betty Goolsbee · October 20, 2014

    You are such an inspiration to me! You are a fabulous writer to put this in words!! thank you for sharing!

  13. grace · October 23, 2014

    Thank you for sharing your faith Cady. God send you to help me through your sharing.

  14. MJ Fernandez · October 23, 2014

    Hi Cady! Your story is really inspiring. My wife and I just got married last June and we just accepted Jesus as our Lord and Saviour last July. Your story is very inspiring for both us to have stronger faith in God that we have to trust in Him with all our heart and lean not into our own understanding. May God shower you will blessings and He will use you to inspire others!

  15. Lynel Szostak · October 24, 2014

    thank you very much for this wonderful meaasge, it really helps me a lot.

  16. Pingback: when faith seems to fail by Cady Lewis - The Genesis Blog
  17. Carol Holderness · November 17, 2014

    Beautiful! The Lord is so good and He is gently and “wildly” at work in you sweet cady! Thanks for sharing your heart. Love you

  18. Caroline · March 4, 2015

    Thanks for sharing this Cady. My 2.5 year old nephew passed away the day before your husband did – also from cancer. I have asked the same question – It’s so hard that God COULD have healed them both, but CHOSE not too. But, the best we can do is keep believing!

  19. AL · March 24, 2015

    Blessings really comes from many form.. what a great God we serve!

  20. lucy · April 6, 2015

    You are a beautiful soul and an incredible writer and communicator. I originally read this post when you first published it, and came back to it again after finding out my 21 year old cousin was diagnosed with lymphoma. All I could think of when I found out were all the times you wrote that you were praying expectantly for healing, and your line “Jordan and I knew we were to believe for his complete healing here on earth.” I honestly don’t feel worried about my cousin (could be in shock still?) and am instead choosing to trust in God whatever the outcome. He can do so much through pain and tragedy, so I choose to lean on that.

    You truly inspire me and I can’t help but feel comforted in knowing I can’t tame God, like you said. God is in control. He’s bigger than cancer.

    Thank you for sharing your story.

  21. kuskacheeks · May 14, 2015

    “I’ve realized that faith is more than I’ve given it credit. It is a deep well from which we must draw deeper in order to quench our thirst. When faith doesn’t satisfy our answer, we must go deeper in our faith to receive peace and wholeness.” ❤

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