Friends, family, and even new family members we have yet to meet:
Thank you for your prayers. Your overwhelmingly loving response to our post has truly touched our hearts and primed our faith even more. To those of you whom we’ve yet to meet, thank you for the prayers and fasting- it already feels like you are family! Family in spirit is very true to say. Thank you all for the arms of love and support. Jordan and I have felt your prayers (many I have felt in the middle of long nights, during horrific doctor’s appointments, and as soon as I wake up.) Thank you.
Jordan and I went to countless amounts of doctor’s appointments last week. An average of 5 a day. Over and and over again being reminded of the severity of my husband’s condition, and how his vision and even death are very near in our future. Looking at the scans, I would have to agree. And I would have to thank the doctors for their excellent and professional opinions. We appreciate their work. But now we’ve come to a place where our doctors have admitted their limitations, and only a miracle is what will save us.
So this is where I stand: I have stupid faith. I am drawing the line. Cancer will not take my husband’s life, and it will not take his vision. In fact, it will not even touch our children and grandchildren. It stops here. It stops at the feet of Jesus. It amazes me how my sweet Savior collects my tears and takes what I have to make something breath-taking from my own grisly attempt to put my faith together.
Stupid faith is a beautiful thing. It acknowledges the facts, the scans, the percentages, the diagnosis, and then it lifts its heavy head to the face of Jesus and says, I still know You will touch this. Stupid faith is all I have, and I know that somehow He will use it.
Lord, when my head is too heavy to lift to Your face, take Your hands and make my eyes meet Yours.
Stupid faith isn’t a state of denial. I’m definitely not in denial. Stupid faith is quite apt on the severity and practicality of the situation. However, it is stupid, so it chooses hope anyway. Another reason why stupid faith is, well, stupid is because when you have to have it, you don’t really want to be in the stupid situation in the first place. 🙂
Jordan and I decided to come to Redding, CA to attend Bethel’s healing services. We are baffled at the peace and joy we’ve experienced here. Another cool thing that has happened while we’ve been here is that Jordan’s eye swelling has decreased a little every day. 🙂
We are expecting a miracle. We know this is not the end, but just the beginning. It’s so odd, because I know where Jordan and I are now is exactly where I know the Lord wants us. He will protect us, He will restore us. He will save us.
Let every thing that has breath praise the Lord.
You have kept count of my tossings;
put my tears in your bottle.
Are they not in your book?
Then my enemies will turn back
in the day when I call.
This I know, that[d] God is for me.
In God, whose word I praise,
in the Lord, whose word I praise,
in God I trust; I shall not be afraid.
What can man do to me?
I must perform my vows to you, O God;
I will render thank offerings to you.
For you have delivered my soul from death,
yes, my feet from falling,
that I may walk before God
in the light of life.