Closer than Fear

We haven’t posted in a while and apologize for the hault in updates! We have been travelling back and forth between MD Anderson in Houston to get Jordan’s treatment plan and are hoping to take this plan back to Tulsa, where Jordan will be doing the cancer-smackdown once again.

Today we are expecting a phone call from our main doctor in Houston, who will look over all of Jordan’s scans and assess what kind of treatment needs to take place.

Today is also our one month anniversary.

These past four weeks have been filled with the most odds and ends; the deepest joy that can only escape your body through tears, the dreamiest moments where you know you can fly, simple contentedness in burnt omelettes and our new lamp installation for our apartment. All of these different joys I could replay in my heart over and over again. But in between all these highs, I have honestly felt the deepest sense of grief and fear I have ever experienced. There are moments when the looming battle rears its head and reminds me that our greatest enemy is very real and wants my husband to lose.

The thing that has amazed me most about these spontaneous moments of bête noire (that seem to strike at the most inopportune times- such as during action scenes in movies, sharing an inside joke, a random conversation, or even while I am washing my hair) is that I will always simultaneously feel another quick sting- but of something stronger- peace, hope, joy, faithfulness. And that is when I remember who is protecting my husband and who is holding me. Every time, my sweet Jesus runs just a bit quicker than my stray thoughts, and hovers just a bit closer than my fears. And then I remember: He is closer than my fear.

In one of our appointments, we heard some rather disheartenting news- the cancer was in more places than we had intitally thought. As my heart began to race, I was kindly reminded of the quick pace of my Savior’s gait. Sudden peace in the middle of a doctor’s office. So sudden, I literally thought: Jesus, you are in this very office with us.

You know when you can feel someone walk up behind you and you know they are there, even before they tap your shoulder? That is how I felt Him. I even turned my head to see if I could see Him standing between our chairs.

So today, on our one month anniversary, as I wait to hear the doctor’s report, I am kindly reminded of my Anchor.

 We have this as a sure and steadfast anchor of the soul,

a hope that enters into the inner place behind the curtain,

where Jesus has gone as a forerunner on our behalf…

And I am filled with hope.

Photo cred: Allie Jean

My super hero and I, exactly one month ago today.
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11 comments

  1. Julie Harrelson · July 29, 2013

    How blessed you are to have found such great love.

  2. Hannah · July 29, 2013

    So Beautiful Cady!!! It’s amazing the peace that floods our hearts even in the most threatening of situations 🙂 Keep it up!

  3. Liz McLeod · July 29, 2013

    Cady! You both are constantly in my thoughts and prayers. I am incredibly proud of you. You are absolutely the most amazing wifey!!!!! Love to you both: )

  4. Paula Alvarez · July 30, 2013

    Cady and Jordan, you are both amazing!! Such an inspiration. xoxo

  5. ester · July 30, 2013

    miss you cady..

  6. Pamela Johnson Rowsey · July 30, 2013

    Cady, thanks for your words and update on my son, JLew. Always remember, even in the middle of the night, Jesus stays awake all night and He is our greatest Comforter and Protector. I am standing with you and Jordan in prayer.

  7. Lynette Lewis · July 30, 2013

    So eloquent and powerful, such truth, thank you our wonderful Cady!

  8. Carol McLeod · July 30, 2013

    I am proud of you. Proud beyond words. I am so thankful for His sweet presence that always brings with it the joy of heaven. Cancer will not win. Jesus will have the last Word … and it’s a good one!

  9. Genie Lewis · August 2, 2013

    Cady, Jesus leads us in His Triumphs! In yours and Jordan’s journey there is only One who will take you Up and Through, He is the Rock you stand on for the Victory! Those that are with you are Greater than the ones against you. Your Love for each other is Incredible and so Precious! Love You Both! Grandma

  10. Dawn Cook · August 2, 2013

    Praying for you all this is the passage I received for you all:
    Rom 8:11 But if the Spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, He who raised Christ Jesus from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies [a]through His Spirit who dwells in you.

  11. Lisa Krushinski · August 30, 2013

    Prayers coming for you all from New Jersey……your healing was purchased 2,000 years ago by your Savior, Jesus! Rest in and receive from Him!
    In Jesus’ Love, Lisa (a friend of Lynnette’s from ORU)

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